TFDJB: Monoxide of Twiztid (Interview)

My favorite genres of music are hip hop, punk rock and industrial. Ideally, the act incoporates stage shows and personas, while sitting just a little outside of the mainstream's reach, but still possessing a significant amount of legitimate talent (Kool Keith, GWAR, Skinny Puppy, Ween, etc). This is why I have been into Detroit-based hip hop duo Twiztid for the better part of two decades... (read more)

Portland: That’s Not Funny!

No, this is not an article from another edgy white guy who wants permission to tell sexist jokes. It’s an article by a progressive white guy who thinks safe space culture has excluded every marginalized demographic that it’s supposed to protect, while simultaneously giving a green light to predators... (read more)

TFDJB: How to Do Drugs at Work

Before I start this column, I’ve gotta emphasize that if you work around babies or chainsaws, you shouldn’t come to work too high. Chainsaws can remove limbs, as can certain varieties of Kenyan adoptees. It’s best not to risk losing a finger or a child just because you couldn’t wait until 4:20 to dab up... (read more)

TFDJB: The One Fetish Every DJ Has...

If Megan Fox traveled into a club I was working at, directly from a weed farm while wearing nothing but coconut oil and consent, telling me I could do anything I wanted to her, I would ask one thing: "Can I pick your music?"... (read more)

Portland: Reasons Why It’s Hipster Hunting Season

I was watching this wildlife documentary, and the narrator explained that, in overcrowded populations, it’s important to thin out the herds. This caused me to think about how Portland has been increasingly infested with hipster trash... (read more)

TFDJB: How Hipsters Ruined Music

By endorsing dead mediums, promoting apathy as a business model and generally shunning modern technology like an Amish Luddite with PTSD, hipsters have single-handedly ruined music. The ultimate irony is that used record stores are now the only option for non-hipster music fans to discover new tastes. Here’s how it happened... (read more)

Portland: The City That Hates to Work

My DJ buddy Vert Sin was touring through Portland last year, and being from Boise, his bar was not exactly high in terms of what he expected from a pizza restaurant. Still, it took him only minutes to notice what was wrong with P-town’s idea of service. "Please bus your own tables? What kind of shit is that?... (read more)

TFDJB: Customer Depreciation Month Revisited

Although I appreciate the people who spend they money that allows me to make an income, the realm of customer service is still partially inhabited by individuals who would not make it six feet out of their front door if murder with was legalized for just one hour... (read more)

Portland: Van Goh Home

A Portland creative type walks into a bar. The bartender looks at the creative type and says, "we don’t serve your kind here." The Portland creative type says "are you kidding?" The bartender replies, "of course I’m kidding, we primarily serve your type here, and since your type likes to drink two-dollar tall boys and never order food, we’re closing... (read more)

TFDJB: To Catch a College Student

Last month, an Oregon State University student named Kendra Sunderland was ratted out by a jelly-ass bitch for working as a webcam model, specifically for a video Kendra filmed in what appears to be the darkest and most secluded section of the OSU library (likely dedicated to Religious Grant-Writing... (read more)

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